A PICNIC WITH YOU

Lets fill a thermos

with warm thoughts

go and find a quiet spot

and spend some time

sipping on each others mind

I'M A DADDY

On the toilet

I gave birth

two proud parents

me and mother earth

a book in hand

cause I got bored

a quick flush cut

the umbilical cord

DECEMBER 22ND 2009

I'm at my own funeral

It's the end of the line

"YOU'RE HAVING A BAD TRIP"

Why are we here? Why is it mine?

"REMEMBER, WE ATE ALL THOSE SHROOMS"

Unknown Dark Living Room

Wait a minute...

coming down...

feeling fine.

GOOD AT NOTHING

Will I ever be good at anything at all

so far there is nothing I can easily recall

my shoelaces come undone

still haven't figured out that one

I'll just stay down,

the next time I trip and fall

.

MY KITCHEN IS DEPRESSING

The lights are bright

The clocks hands are moving

The fridge is running

The fan is breathing down my neck

and I

just sit

here

depressed by busy

inanimate

objects

LEOTARDS AND GIRLFRIENDS

Leotard legs dangle

from the warm balloons

under your coat

eyes refuse to look away

nostrils catch candy

from your pretty float

you are a vision

undressed with my poor vision

never brought back to where I rest

and that's probably for the best

cause I got a girlfriend

a girlfriend

She doesn't have leotards like you

but that's OK

it's OK

MUSH ON

My mind has been spinning

The past in a blender

Chunks of my life mixing

Getting hard to remember

I BITE MY TONGUE

Their words dynamite

in the mine of my mind

bring up things to the mouth

that ears don't like to find

THANKS MOM

"Save your fingers." she says,

as I chew on another.

I can not feed on myself,

while I sit next to my mother.

KINDA CREEPY

My thoughts are of us

You don't know who we are
We just made love on a bus
Said the creep from afar

AGING WHORE

NEGATIVE NANCY

TIME TO THROW IN THE BOWEL

BRIS IS A PROBLEM

A LOVE POEM?

THE CLASS IS HALF FULL

GARAGEBAND IS AWESOME

I've been messing around with Garageband recently, and I thought I'd record myself reading the poems with music. The first one is called Kimberly Clark, it's the name of a company that distributes toilet paper up here. I only recorded the first verse.

If you listen closely you can hear my cat meow after I say "Shitty job"

We meet again

here we are

together

in a dark bathroom stall

I'm here to do

what I got to do

and when I'm done

do what you do

Kimberly Clark

Kimberly Clark

Kimberly Clark

You gotta shitty job

This one is about a guy that lives in a basement suite of an apartment building.

I live in basement suite

one floor just below you

I'd like to go to go upstairs

kick down your door

say "Hi" to you

you live above me

I want you below my waist

While doing laundry

I found a pair of your pink panties

I took them home to use

as a filter for my coffee

you live above me

I want to you below my waist

Why does a woman

make it so hard to get date?

I like to smell

I also like to taste

you live above me

I need you below my waist

DIANE

I just realized that this is post #200.

WORKING NIGHTS

I GOT NO LUCK AT ALL

SHITTY PROMOTIONAL PENS

A POEM FOR CLAIRE

HOW TO BE A DELINQUENT IN A JIFFY

GOOD MORNING

LAUNDRY DAY

A DREAMER

POOR SAM PERKINS

NEW CUSTOMERS WELCOME

GET OVER IT

ARE WE THERE YET?

INSULTS

SUMMERTIME

THE SIGNS OF A CREEP

I discovered with the last post that these could be better if I added them over top of signs. So I went back and did it to the Slippery Slope poem . I'll probably go back and do it to all of them. I'm going to title the series THE SIGNS OF A CREEP.

PEEING IN POOLS

I wrote this on the weekend and decided to photoshop it over top of a sign that I grabbed off the internet. I think it looks pretty sweet.

THE FANNY PACK

A HORSE IS A HORSE

THURSDAY NIGHT

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL BAKE SALES

POSTING POEMS

I'm going to start posting poems with some of the doodles. They pop into my head and I enjoy working on them. I came up with this one on the way back from Edmonton today. I saw a woman leaving the grocery store in her pyjamas and from behind It looked like she was sleepwalking.

A SLIPPERY SLOPE